Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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