I accidentally had phone sex last night
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize