this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
