We're facebook friends in real life
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
