Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
