don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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