So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
