If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
