cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
