I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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