my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
