Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
