you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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