there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
