i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
