No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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