this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
