i think my mom watched the whole time
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
