Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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