At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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