please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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