Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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