dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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