Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Is it because I queefed?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
