Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You've changed since you got that strap on
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize