party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Why can't burritos get me drunk
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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