I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
