It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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