youre lurking in front of me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
