Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
