Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I would ride that face into the sunset
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
