I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We left the knife in your bed.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
