we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
