Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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