If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
