we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
