As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
