I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
