I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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