i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
