this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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