Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i now understand why vodka
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
