...so i touched it.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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