I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
