apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
