Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
