when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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