so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
