just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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