think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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