But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
