Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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