I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I believe in your delicious
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
