At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
