ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
