Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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