First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
