Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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