I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
