yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
