As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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