Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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