I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
