The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
