What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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